sometimes days are good

Sometimes days are good, and sometimes like the last couple days they are really bad.
I can only describe it like trying to push the world uphill in a force nine gale.

Getting up in the morning is a chore at them moment, getting dressed and going to work also hurts. when i am at work my colleagues wonder why i am not functioning. 'You are here so you should be able to work'. I hear them say.

If they only knew how much effort it has taken me to get there today. how much energy I have used to get to the office. Let alone answering the phone and talking to Customers. It seemed to be an effort just to drink a cup of tea this morning (a pastime i really enjoy). The only thing that I wanted to do from getting into work this morning was go back to sleep.

On days like this my friends suffer, I don't talk to them, Not that i deliberately ignore them. It just seems that my efforts should be concentrated elsewhere. I need all the support that i can get from all the people who can give it.

I feel selfish but don't know how else to cope with the bad days. Two days ago I was fine, it was a steroid day and I was eating for England, wide awake until the early hours of the morning. Then bump! here I am dumped into a hole that I don't like. A place that is hard to get out of and motivate myself from.

I hope the downs don't last long, they hurt so much. I am usually a bouncy person, full of fun. I hate being down, sleepy, grumpy and constantly fighting for energy.