Sunday 15 April 2012

What a Roller Coaster

Since my last post. I don't seem to have been away from hospital, or have stopped thinking about hospital at all. I had an appointment on the 8th of March, I went in feeling okay about it. By the end of it I was a bit of a wreck. I couldn't believe it. I had been told there seemed to be a change in my bloods and that the consultant wanted to make sure what it was. A Bone Marrow Biopsy was booked for the following Tuesday.
I turned up to the clinic with my friend anxious again Biopsies aren't a particularly nice experience (I won't explain what happens in case you are eating) but one I have to go through to get to the bottom of whats happening inside. The young lady doctor called me in. I took my friend in with me and there was one of my nurses called Mary in there with me. After a quick explanation of what was about to happen the doctor asked me to loosen my trousers lie on my left side and ease my trousers down over my hips. During the biopsy I heard her talking about a little man downstairs. I am sure she was talking about a patient, but as I was the one lying there with my trousers down I did wonder. I Felt faint during the biopsy and a little uncomfortable as it went on. I did squeeze my friends fingers at one point so much that I must have stopped the blood flow to them. They looked bright red afterwards. 
The biopsy finished I was given an appointment to come back on the 27th March for the results. My friend and I had two weeks to take in what was happening. If the truth were known neither of us could get it out of our heads. It was a horrible time trying not to think bad things, trying not to think about it at all, though it was in your head all the time. The time came for my follow up appointment and the doctor came to see me, It looks as though you are showing some signs of a secondary condition called secondary acute myloid leukaemia.Which affects the bone marrow. He tried his best to explain it but a lot of it went over my head, I was on auto pilot again. It turns out that the condition can happen occasionally in people who have had chemo but it isn't very common. He Said there were a number of things to consider in treatments one was blood transfusions and another Stem Cell Transplant but this time with donor cells and not mine. The best candidate would be a sibling if I could ask my brother if he would be willing to be tested. In the mean time he would like to repeat the Bone Marrow Biopsy and have another test ran to double check some results. 
Same routine again the same lady doctor did the biopsy and a nurse was there with me as was my friend. The doctor started and it was as uncomfortable as the last time. She kept saying that I had strong bones. Not sure whether that was good or an apology because she was working hard and it was uncomfortable for me. the biopsy was over again and I was given another appointment for a follow up. I had the 10th of April to look to for the results. that was after the Easter weekend and bank holidays, more days to sit and think. Again my head was full of thoughts I tried hard to block them out but it was hard. Both my friend and I came to the conclusion that at the very worst another Stem Cell Transplant was what I had to face and anything else is a bonus. 
The 10th came around and how nervous was I. It wasn't helped by the fact that the doctor saw me and said he would like me to have more bloods taken. Then while I was having them taken he kept coming in to see if I was finished as he wanted to see me as quickly as he could. That made me more nervous and my veins just disappeared. they had to bring in a specialist nurse  just to take my blood.  
When we got to see the doctor and after he went through the doctor speak about what treatments he had to consider if this happens. Then what he would like to do because one  condition hasn't changed and after all the long words that no one but doctors can understand. I asked him if in his opinion it was good news. He replied yes it is and I think for now I would just like to watch it and follow the condition with blood tests and maybe more Bone Marrow Biopsies in the future. But he said that he still wants me to see the transplant team on the 23rd April and come back to clinic on the 3rd of May.
 My friend and I left the room floating again we couldn't believe how after so long a time of thinking dark black thoughts and thinking horrible things about what if's.That he said it was good news. I wish the doctor would have started with good news and not dragged it out but he got there in the end. 

Sorry it is long but I hope when you read it it helps you in some way. I hope you find like I did that even through a dark rocky Roller Coaster the light can still shine in the end.